HerStory Natalie Baird-King: A Journey of Forgiveness and Empowerment
At 53 years old, I reflect on a life marked by profound hardship and remarkable resilience. Growing up in Lakeland, Florida, and spending over three decades in the Tampa Bay area, my story is one of overcoming a dysfunctional family and finding my purpose through forgiveness and empowerment.
HerStory Natalie Baird-King: Early Life and Struggles
I grew up in a family where my father was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive to my mother, my siblings, and me. To escape the torment, I married at 19, but that relationship ended after six turbulent years. The year of my divorce was a turning point in my life. In my quest to understand true love, I met Shane. However, our relationship quickly turned abusive, isolating me from friends and family. The abuse escalated to the point where Shane strangled me until I passed out and eventually broke my left arm. This final act of violence forced me to flee Central Florida and relocate to South Florida.
HerStory Natalie Baird-King: Turning Point and Career Path
While rebuilding my life, I decided to attend law school to help other women escape abusive relationships. I graduated in 2001 and have since dedicated over 20 years to practicing family law, focusing primarily on domestic violence cases. Today, I am considered an expert in this field and have the privilege of mediating family disputes to help them avoid court battles.
Childhood Memories and Anger
My struggles began early. At six years old, I vividly remember hiding in a closet with my sister as my father beat my mother. These traumatic experiences filled me with fear and anger. My father, who claimed to be a devout Christian, was anything but. His abuse continued even after we left home, shifting from physical to emotional and psychological torment.
The Journey to Forgiveness
My journey toward forgiveness started 11 years ago, but it was anything but easy. The catalyst was a life-changing event: I was about to give a keynote speech on domestic violence when I learned that my father had passed away. Overwhelmed with guilt and anger, I embarked on a quest for forgiveness, not just for my father but for myself as well.
The Four Steps to Forgiveness
In my book, “Forgiving Unforgivable—The 4 Essential Secrets to Overcome Trauma, Stand Empowered, and Step into Purpose,” I outline the four steps that helped me find freedom through forgiveness
In finding forgiveness, I discovered 4 steps.
Step (1): Recall the memory/event that caused me pain.
I did not relive the event, I recalled it as an observer. This by far was the hardest step. I was able to attain this step through meditation and attending an Ayahuasca retreat center. These methods helped me so I could face those memories as an observer. There are many many methods people can use to accomplish Step 1. Such as therapy, yoga, meditation, prayer, breathwork, psychedelics, and others. Each person must decide which method(s) works best for them.
Step (2): Feel the emotion from the event that caused me pain.
I had to see myself as that little girl sitting in her closet as my dad was beating my mom. I had to feel the fear which I lived with every day, and which controlled every decision in my life, I had to feel anger after he stopped beating my mom. Angry that he was hurting my mom and hurting us. I saw how anger showed up daily, weekly, and monthly in my life. How it was impacting my relationships and how it was showing up in my parenting with my own daughter. This step was extremely painful to see as I saw all the pain I caused those who I love.
Step (3): I had to realize that the act of forgiveness was not for my dad or those men who hurt me, it was for me.
An act of forgiveness doesn’t change the person we forgave. It changes us. It allows us to remember the past without pain. Forgiveness allows us to realize that everything that happens in our life happens for us not to us. Step three is eye-opening for our growth. And last,
Step (4): Release the emotions which are tied to the past and Accept FREEDOM.
When I was able to release the fear, anger, bitterness, resentment, shame, and guilt which all were tied to those past memories, I felt free. Free that those memories no longer dictate my emotional state today. Free that they were in the past—where they belong. When I achieved step 4, it was as if a cloak of happiness was placed over my life and I changed from that moment forward. No longer was uncontrollable anger or depression appearing in my life. I was free and able to live my purpose. My purpose is to help others see how forgiveness is the key to living a happy, joyful, and grateful life.
In my journey to forgiving the unforgivable acts that I survived, I was faced with a crossroad. A crossroad where I either had to choose to live the same unhappy life I was living or venture into an unknown path. I chose the latter. We tell ourselves myths about forgiveness. Such as, “If I forgive them then my act of forgiveness excuses the offender’s behavior and gives them a free pass.” Or, “I just need to forgive and forget”. Those are myths. My forgiveness for my father never excused his behavior. Nor can I ever forget what I endured.
At what cost would you pay for freedom?
What cost would you pay to live the life you have always wanted? Free of all the chains of the past that hold you back? For me, the answer was, “AT ALL COSTS”. That’s when I knew I was ready.
Everyone’s timing is different. But once you understand that forgiveness is the key to living an amazing life, your logic will tell you it’s time. And you too will be faced with the crossroad to choose from.
Never in my dreams did I think I would become an expert at forgiveness. But as a result of being open and willing to forgive, my dreams have and are coming true. I am soon to publish my book. I have been selected to give a Ted Talk on forgiveness. And my life’s dream to be an inspirational speaker is on the horizon.
Dreams do come true. For me, they have come true through finding forgiveness.”
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